Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

March 2007

In the 1995 movie “While You Were Sleeping” Sandra Bullock plays Lucy, a woman who pretends to be engaged to a man in a coma.

The original screenplay was a little different. It was about a woman in a coma and a man pretending to be her fiance. Although the script was good, no studio picked it up. Since the woman was “helpless” the situation was considered to be too predetory.

Then someone suggested rewriting the screenplay, reversing the roles of the main characters. That changed everything. The script was picked up and the movie was made. It grossed over $182 million.

Something in your life needs a rearangement, reversal or realignment. By doing so, you will improve the quality of your life immensely. What is it? Something very simple and basic. It may not be obvious to you, but is probably apparent to others. Ask the most trusted and wise people you know for their objective opinion, and don’t be afraid to hear the answer.

While imagining what needs improvement, get inspiration from a “Juicy Lucy”. Here’s the recipe http://www.drinksmixer.com/drink344.html

February 2007

One day, a bespeckled and meek older gentleman noticed a group of black-leather clad young men sporting spiked hair, tatoos and multiple piercings.

“What are you lookin’ at?” said one of them. The group surrounded the gentleman. “What’s the matter, you don’t like how we look?” The poor old man was outnumbered and very intimidated.

A bystander, a large and formidable Texan, came to his rescue. “What do you THINK he’s looking at. He’s looking at YOU!” In his southern drawl, he challenged them. “Do you walk around looking like that because you don’t want to be noticed? No. You do it because you WANT people to look at you. Of course folks look at you. What do you expect?”

The Texan was psycologist Phillip Calvin McGraw, also known as Dr. Phil, the television host who tells his guests to “get real.”

The time has come for you to ask yourself an important question. Are you doing what you do to reflect your inner self? If so, carry on proudly without concern about what anyone else thinks. And if not? Well, you’re in luck, because now is the perfect time for a makeover.

Here’s to the wisdom of Dr. Phil! Have a shot of Texas Sweat. http://www.webtender.com/db/drink/2477

October 2006

The terms “politician” and “statesman” are often used interchangably. While both refer to those who posess similar skills, there is, however, difference in the way they use power.

A politician will use resources to promote his (or her) own interests. They are less concerned with what is good for the community. On the other hand, a statesman will put the public first.

Normally, we must choose between selfish behavior or putting others first, but this is one of those rare times when both are possible. What’s good for you also helps those around you.

Balance your good and bad behavior during a three Martini lunch!

September 2006

Fellow Aquarian Tracy Marrow, better known as rapper-turned-actor Ice-T, jumped to fame largely through controversy. The lyrics to his 1992 song “Cop Killer” was said to glorify violence against police officers and sparked huge debates on censorship and freedom of speech.

The more his detracters raged against him, the higher Ice’s hard-core reputation rose. After spending a lot of effort defending his Frist Amendment rights, he finally removed “Cop Killer” from his album and re-released it. “The Government ain't no one to be messin' with,” said Ice, “they could be listening to your heartbeat right now. In the end I gave in because I wasn't going to let them pigeonhole my whole career as a vicious cop hater. Ice-T was eventually droped by his label, Warner Bros.

Don’t go too far, Aquarius. It may be time for you, like Ice, to realize the point of “deminishing returns.” In other words, it may be time to give in and retool. There’s no shame in it. And, your wallet will thank you later.

These days, former “cop hater” plays a police detective on “Law and Order: SVU”. Many, including Ice himself, call this ironic. True. But I believe that irony largely helped him get the role in the first place. It certainly made for more interesting casting, don’t you think?

And now you can drink an Ice-T…
Get the recipe at http://www.webtender.com/db/drink/3733

August 2006

Think back to a time when you inadvertently started something that got out of your control and took on a life of its own. Sort of like throwing a hot cigarette butt out of a car window… the butt ignites the dry grass, the flames catch onto the trees. Sooner or later, acres are consumed by the wildfire and neighborhoods are threatened. You get the picture. And all you wished to do was to get rid of that hot butt, not light the planet on fire.

For Aquarians, the very thought of damaging the environment is, well… unthinkable! But I use this powerful example to show what can happen if you’re not careful. This month, your actions, words and wishes, even the small ones, have the potential to deliver a far bigger impact than you intend. Here are some “do’s” and “don’ts”…

Do think twice before saying anything controversial. In fact, think twice before saying anything, as it may be controversial without you realizing it.

Do listen to what others are trying to tell you (especially me, ha ha).

Do consider something that will make you more flexible.*

Do use the ashtray.

Don’t make any sudden moves.

Don’t believe everything you see. That leprechaun, fairy or gnome sitting at the next table could, in reality, be someone from the accounting department upstairs.

Don’t throw away that receipt. You may need it for an alibi at a later date.

Don’t let things get out of control. Put out that fire with The Extinguisher. http://www.webtender.com/db/drink/1643

* If your first thought was “WaHOO, Kama Sutra positions,” take safety precautions and have a chiropractor on speed dial.

July 2006

The following lyrics from that Talking Heads song “Once in a Lifetime” may sum up the theme of the next few weeks…

“… you may ask yourself
How do I work this?
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile?
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house!
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife!”

How did you get where you are? And who you are for that matter? This is what you should be asking yourself. Meanwhile, try not to say anything you’ll regret later.
To illustrate, here’s a quote from fellow water-bearer Ashton Kutcher…

"Modeling is the best because you have to look hot, which comes easy to me, you know. I'm blessed with that."

Dude, where’s your car? You might as well get drunk. Have a beer or two… or seven.

June 2006

In Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland, our heroine dives down a rabbit hole and finds a bottle labeled “Drink Me”. After very little consideration, she boldly decides to drink the mystery concoction, which tastes of “cherry-tart, custard, pineapple, roast turkey, toffee, and hot buttered toast.” She soon shrinks to the punitive height of only 10 inches. Then she beats herself up over her flawed judgement.

She generally gave herself very good advice (though she very seldom followed it), and sometimes she scolded herself so severely as to bring tears into her eyes; and once she remembered trying to box her own ears for having cheated herself in a game of croquet she was playing against herself, for this curious child was very fond of pretending to be two people. "But it's no use now," thought poor Alice, "to pretend to be two people! Why, there's hardly enough of me left to make one respectable person!"

Obviously, the poor child is full of regret and she must make the best of her situation. So do you. Although you may feel that crawled down a hole and made yourself very small, wallowing is not going to get you out. But you probably already knew that.

Your life is full if confusion and mixed messages these days, but I think you can go with the flow. Now that we know that you’ll drink anything, try a Velvet Hammer.